And still another person punishes him or her retaliating, I'd punish her or him in return.
It is naive to assume religious people are non thinking. Usually it's deep hard analytical thinking that leads people to their faith: Take down the anger a few notches, Stephen, and don't worry too much about Susan: This is a prime example of forgiveness and religion victimizing a victim yet again.
Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness
YOU, not your abuser, are the bad person, because good people always forgiven. Please remember that not everybody believes what you do, as well. Some people have been abused and betrayed BY their clergy or church. This post is a prime example of the cruelty, insensitivity, ignorance and stupidity of clergy and congregations that punishes victims and contributes to a lot of suicides by hurting people who can't escape the guilting and shaming that churches lay on them after they've had the misfortune to be harmed by others.
Glad somebody said it! Sometimes people don't deserve to be forgiven-- especially if they're not sorry or they don't plan to actually correct their behavior. Plus, as the article reads, sometimes forgiving doesn't make you feel better. Sometimes it's okay to still be angry about it, and in fact it can be healthy to feel that.
Thanks for the feedback! A healthy righteous anger can be good medicine as well. I love this article and I agree about not being able to forgive those who are not sorry or change their behavior. The victim gets called out as being the problem for having the audacity of being hurt by the perpetrator who is usually protected and held in higher regard as the victim. Our only connection to an unhappy event that happened in the past is out thoughts about it. Forgiveness means not allowing the past to intrude on the present.
Good thought- not allowing the past to intrude. There are certainly moments for this direction in life. But some don't have that choice; some people's lives will improve by uncovering the past, taking a good look, and making some changes for themselves and those around them. Yes, it's not always possible to stop intrusive thoughts or nightmares. But we often don't have the first clue of even HOW to process our feelings.
It's taken me a long time to begin to figure that out. That's the kind of New Age nonsense I was fed. I was following Eckhart Tolle and his ridiculous teachings. Well, it brought me so much pain it's unbelievable. Only certain people deserve forgiveness and they should work for it. Sometimes there is a genuine misunderstanding but in all other cases the guilty party should apologize thoroughly and work hard to save the relationship.
And I was only able to let go after I abandoned the idea that "nobody is bad, we shouldn't judge people, we should forgive".
I'm Forgiven Lyrics - Marshall Hall
Instead when I started thinking "he is a jerk and a selfish asshole" or "she is a crazy bitch and doesn't deserve my attention", well, that's when I felt better, got some power and moved on. The selfish people who need to hear about forgiveness, giving selflessly without asking for anything in return, etc, are the ones who will never seek such advice because they are feeling good being selfish.
They don't deserve forgiveness, second chances and most definitely not peace. I know that I have some wounds that are just too horrific to forgive. I don't dwell on them very often and I'd like to think they don't impact much of my thinking and attitudes, but I know there is some. There is also some ongoing hurt from a family member who I have had to cut ties with for self preservation.
When they stop their hurtful ways, I will hopefully be able to work on forgiving them. Thanks for your wisdom and on-target insights.
Some wounds truly are powerfully deep and require much of our love just to look at them clearly and feel our responses to them. This alone can bring power and magic to life and to many lives. The clarity to sever a family member from one's life takes sharpness, power, and fire.
This is deep work, stick with it. To me "forgiveness" is only possible if the person who did the harm asks for it and expresses regret. Even In those circumstances forgiveness is a gift, not an obligation. And even if you do forgive that does not necessarily mean that you forget. Some actions cause irreversible damage.
But there must be a term that means the state of mind when you are at peace about what happened and you simply refuse to allow the thing that happened to take over the rest of your life. There is another PT blogger who writes about his father who was in a Nazi concentration camp. He talks about how his dad says that the Nazis got those years of his life and he is not going to let them have any more. What is the word for that? Thanks for bringing up the concentrations camps and the Holocaust.
Great injuries, great traumas, must be considered in the topic of forgiveness.
We need the whole world to address some of these wounds, to stop denying them, so that more hearts can be eased and put at peace. We need another word for exactly the state you describe. He's gone from my life and no longer has any existence there. If something like that doesn't work, we may have to borrow a word from another language. Interesting that English doesn't have one. Right on Robin- "Authenticity trumps spiritual cliches. We all need to be heard, believed and validated. Yet the end result of so many of the forgiveness cliches by well-meaning people is often dismission, minimization and shame.
It is easier by far to declare someone's problem, pronounce a solution and expect immediate action conclusion than it is to join another in the long and difficult journey towards forgiveness with grace and patience. Well put Kyle- "dismiss ion, minimization, and shame. Excellent writing, David, important content and inspiring message. It has helped me tremendously, not to forgive the person who called me a loser. What a liberating experience, to have your support in learning to identify how carrying old wounds causes my language to be a little cutting. I feel so much lighter in my soul, having recognized my history of immediately forgiving everyone who ever hurt me.
At age 58, it is remarkable to begin to see levels of awareness, rank, the mystery of staying in present time with injustice and wounding behaviors, both mine and others. As I explore NOT forgiving, my heart opens and I can see how many sweet people I have held at arms length, from having always stayed engaged with ambivalent "friends. I don't feel like forgiving. It's nice to hear that at the moment, I don't have to.
Yes, many folks need support to not forgive. It's a process- no only answer is appropriate for all people at all moments. For you, it feels better to not forgive.
I can forgive a lot, because, after all, we are only human and we all make mistakes. But it depends on the other person 1 acknowledging what they did, 2 acknowledging that it hurt me, 3 explaining why they did what they did, not as an excuse, but as a way to help me understand their frame of mind and why they did what they did at the time, because walking a mile in someone else's shoes really helps you understand and forgive them, 4 sincerely apologizing, and 5 honestly trying their best to do better in the future. And of course, it works both ways. My husband and I inevitably hurt each other's feelings every once in a while, but we go through those steps and forgive each other.
And no, I don't lecture him on the steps; we have not spoken about them specifically as I wrote them as Steps above. He is just a very wonderful person and naturally goes through those steps. It hurts a lot when you make an honest mistake, and apologize profusely, but yet, the other person never forgives you, and you even lose their friendship over what happened. I love your steps. You may consider teaching them to others somehow via writing, talking to friends, groups or even in a classroom setting. You intelligence, your feeling, and your experience with forgiving, not forgiving, being hurt, etc blends together into a fine stew that others might want to partake of.
Thank you for this beautiful advice. I always forgive people early on It's empowering to say forgiveness-yes, but not right now. I feel confident that I won't make this same mistake again. Thank you and the lovely folks whose comments are so inspiring. I used to say that the 'nicest people get hurt the most'. Now I just think powerful thoughts 'great things happen to great people'. You are on a fine course.
There is not need for pressure to forgive- your resistance is the way, the process for you. Stay close to your own intuitions, intelligence, feelings and impulses- that is the most compassionate think you can now do for yourself and others. Jesus told the multitudes that if we want our Father in Heaven to forgive us we must forgive others. Did Jesus say those things because He really likes the bad guy , or did He tell it to us because He loved us and knew that forgiveness is a "miraculously healing" that is available to all of His children who are hurting.
Forgiveness is the opposite of revenge, and as Christians we are taught that vengeance is never, ever the answer. Forgiveness is the answer for all Christians whether we are ready for it or not! Consequences for the person who has done wrong yes, but to withhold forgiveness from them only hurts us. Forgiveness is also the answer for non Christian. Christians do not hold the lease on forgiveness. God's love has many aspects and I believe that forgiveness may be the greatest of them all. And we are to try to be like our Father. Once we are able to forgive seven times and then do that 70 more times forgiveness will be a habit when you have reached times.
- i forgive you – Be Yourself.
- HERITAGE SINGERS - BECAUSE I'M FORGIVEN LYRICS?
- 6 Reasons Not to Forgive, Not Yet | Psychology Today?
- an open letter to an ex.
- The Moral Argument For God.
- You Are My King (Amazing Love)?
That is a habit Jesus wants us to have not only because it is a great habit, but because it is the best habit. Forgiveness is the proof that we have the kind of love and compassion Jesus wants us to have. Ah, the thundering speeches of devout Christians, who rail at the people who are hurting and inflict additional trauma. It's not unusual for the perpetrator to stand up in front of the congregation and give a tear-filled apology, and be taken back into the fold, while the hurt person is kicked out for not forgiving them and shutting the hell up so nobody has to listen to them anymore.
Clergy and congregations who do this have done an incredible amount of harm to victims of abuse. Do you not think that perhaps you are laying an incredible amount of shame and guilt on someone who is already in incredible pain? Get your nose out of your Bible and grow a heart. Because, of course, "we are entitled". We are entitled to count all others' wrong doings, we being the saints that we are. And because not forgiving gives us some twisted illusion of power over the ones who wronged us.
And allows us to justify our own wrong doings. Spirit Of God Is Here Top Of My Lungs For All The World Jingle Bells Duck Remix Lord Let Your Glory Fall Let The Worshippers Arise I've Got You Covered He'll Never Let You Go He'll Do Whatever It Takes Open the Eyes of My Heart Let the Redeemed Will You Love Jesus More Concert of the Age O Come, O Come, Emmanuel In Christ Alone medley Because I'm Forgiven Modify Be the Praise of My Heart I'm Making Melody Where It's Always Been Thank You for Praying It is overwhelming to say the least!
This is so true for most of us. It is so hard sometimes to forgive ourselves for things we have done in the past. Loved this one, Martha. Thanks for coming by, Rimly! So glad you liked this post. It is a difficult thing to forgive ourselves, but we have to work on that. Blessings to you, too! I cannot begin to thank all my dear friends here at the It's Because I am Free. Danny Orlando May 24, at 4: Orlando May 24, at 9: Me May 24, at Orlando May 24, at Nikky44 May 25, at Orlando May 25, at 4: Anonymous May 25, at 5: Orlando May 25, at 8: Orlando May 27, at 4: Rimly Bezbarua June 3, at