PDF Giving vs. receiving — which is best?

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Giving and receiving make encountering others possible. When we minimize the role of receiving, it becomes easy to be excessively attached to giving.

Giving becomes our interpersonal mandate in our significant relationships as well as in our more cordial, social interactions. When giving carries an inordinate amount of emotional weight, we can easily attribute illusionary benefits to being a great giver. We may even continue to pursue giving although we fail to reap the alleged rewards. The first promised gift of being a great giver is that it is supposed to make us good people. However, it is only too easy to slip into an endless array of offerings to others as we tirelessly attempt to substantiate our self-worth.

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The second alleged benefit is that because giving makes good people, we are then also lovable. Giving is presumably empowered to make us deserving of love. Of course, those who are recipients of our offerings are by no means destined to reciprocate or confirm that we are lovable. The third expectation is that giving will produce some control over our social interactions. Every parent has once had to remind their children that the Christmas season is about giving, not receiving. But deep down, we can all recall our own childhood where we much preferred to receive gifts than to give them.

Gandhi did claim that greed is basic human nature, so wouldn't it make sense if people inherently enjoy receiving gifts?

5 Reasons Why Receiving Is Harder Than Giving

Or is the pleasure of being kind to others able to overpower our desire to consume? Giving someone a gift is a way to show compassion, appreciation, and gratitude. Psychologists have identified gift giving as a powerful way to strengthen the emotional bond we have with another person. The psychological benefits of giving do not actually come from the act of handing over property, but from the process of selecting the gift. Identifying the needs of a loved one and selecting a product to address them requires you to mentally identify with them. When you select a gift for somebody, you're essentially protecting them by looking after their needs.

Is it better to give than to receive? | ywukakyzin.ml

The idea that others will look after you the way that you are looking after another satisfies our need for safety, and provides us with a source of pleasure. Unlike giving gifts, the pleasure we get from receiving gifts does not stem from our basic human needs.

For most people, the implication that you are loved is the biggest source of pleasure from receiving gifts. For some individuals, this feeling has strings attached.

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If they have not reciprocated the gift, the receiver can feel a sense of guilt. Others may feel as if there are conditions attached to the gift, and that they are somehow indebted to the giver. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin of intimacy. As I put it in my book, Dancing with Fire ,. Both people are giving and receiving in their own unique ways.

Does giving to others (vs. the self) promote happiness?

This shared experience can be profoundly sacred and intimate. The next time someone offers a compliment, gift, or looks lovingly into your eyes, notice how you feel inside. Is your breathing relaxed and your belly soft or are you tightening up? Can you let in the caring and connection? Bringing mindfulness to the pleasant, uncomfortable, or perhaps fiery feelings of delight might allow you to be more present for the present. A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships.


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He has been a marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco area for over thirty-five years, has conducted workshops internationally on relationships and couples therapy, and has appeared on CNN, Donahue, and New Dimensions Radio. For more information, articles, and free videos, visit his website at: Find help or get online counseling now.

Here are some possibilities for why receiving is often more difficult than giving: