It is far better to save yourself from the possibility of further trauma. Focus on the good things in your life and look at how you can move forward, putting the person who hurt you firmly in the past.
Why Revenge Is Bad and Good
Not to sound cliche but life is short! Think of all the fun things you could be doing instead of acting like Mr. Burns and plotting, planning and focusing your energy on the negative. How can you make way for new, positive experiences if you are preoccupied with wreaking havoc?
Whether you believe in it or not, karma makes a much better friend than foe — make sure to keep on the right side of it:. So do the right thing, be the bigger person — you will be glad you did so in the long run. So, you seek revenge on the person who hurt you. They then take revenge on your revenge…and the cycle continues. I thought the federal government and prosecutors were useless and I just wanted them fried.
Welch, who owned a service station in Oklahoma City at the time, said he was so grief-stricken and had such a hard time dealing with his loss that he would go home and drink to try to get himself to fall asleep.
His drinking gradually increased. One day, about 10 months after Julie's death, Welch went to the bomb site — which he routinely visited because that was the last place where his daughter was alive — and began to examine himself and search for a way to get past his grief. He found that he was being consumed that the same rage and thirst of revenge that had driven McVeigh and Nichols to blow up the Murrah Federal Building and kill his daughter. Do I need to have a trial right away?
The Psychology of Revenge | Science of People
Do I need to have a conviction? Do I need to have McVeigh and Nichols executed? They were getting revenge for what happened in Waco, Texas, exactly two years earlier on April 19, " — when U. Still, society constantly seems to be in a constant tug of war between seeking revenge and "turning the other cheek. But pop culture celebrates vigilantism and stories where the heroes are driven by revenge.
- 7 Reasons Why Seeking Revenge Is A Bad Idea.
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All superheroes are vigilantes. Comic book protagonists such as Batman and Spider-Man are motivated by a desire to avenge the death of a loved one or seek vengeance for those who are perceived as helpless — and they are two of the most popular superheroes of all time. Quentin Tarantino's latest film, Kill Bill — Vol. Some argue that experiencing revenge, even through works of fiction, does not ease feelings of anger and vengeance.
It increased those feelings of anger and retribution.
So how does someone cope with a need for revenge? The first, and perhaps most important, step is taking responsibility for your emotions, like Bud Welch did. It's very important for the person to take responsibility for their anger and resentment. Since losing his daughter in the Oklahoma City bombing, Welch has traveled around the country and given lectures on his experience and his opposition to the death penalty.
He became associated with Murder Victims' Families for Reconciliation, a Massachusetts-based group that helps families cope with the loss of slain loved ones. To the anger of some Oklahoma City victims' families, Welch strongly opposed the execution of Timothy McVeigh in and warned his execution would not bring anyone true peace of mind. Two years after McVeigh's execution, Welch says some families are still searching for the sense of closure they thought his death would bring. He just went to sleep.
Two objectives of the criminal justice system are to obtain retribution for the crime victim while also rehabilitating the offender — goals which can seem to clash at times. Some states have adopted victim offender reconciliation programs, where convicted offenders admit wrongdoing, have a supervised encounter with the people they've victimized and, under the guidance of a counselor, work out a restitution agreement. Under these programs, criminals pay for their crimes while having the chance to earn the forgiveness of their victims.
The pilot — or pilots — who dropped the bomb that killed Ali Abbas' parents and took away his arms have never been identified publicly and do not face any criminal charges. Pentagon officials have said it is very difficult to match individual soldiers with the targets they hit in combat, especially when multiple strikes are involved.
Second, when ancestral humans were harmed by others, the propensity for revenge may have helped them deter the aggressors from harming them again. In fact, ostracism from the group was often a severe punishment that carried the risk of death. Therefore, our ancestors often had to find more direct ways to cope with the despots and bullies in their midst. One way to cope with someone who has taken advantage of you is to make it less profitable for that person to do so again. This punishment function of revenge is quite prevalent in many animal societies.
In a scenario like this, you can almost see the evolutionary logic at work: With these adaptive functions in mind, it gets easier to accept the idea that revenge is a built-in feature of human nature, despite its dreadful effects in the world today. So revenge is an authentic, standard-issue, bred-in-the- bone feature of human nature.
Tides of Vengeance Update Notes
Nothing could be further from the truth. Although Martin Daly and Margo Wilson found that blood revenge has emerged as an important social phenomenon in 95 percent of the societies they examined, my own analysis revealed that the concepts of forgiveness, reconciliation, or both have been documented in 93 percent of those same societies.
Forgiveness and reconciliation may be so common and so taken for granted by anthropologists as to be regarded, quite literally, as nothing to write home about. And just as with revenge, research has found that forgiveness is also widespread across the animal kingdom, offering further evidence of its evolutionary significance. The researchers observed aggressive encounters and found that only 50, or 14 percent, of those encounters were preceded by some sort of friendly contact. However, , or 51 percent, of the aggressive encounters were followed by friendly contact.
This was a staggering discovery: Friendly contact was even more common after conflict than it was during conflict-free periods. Chimps kiss and make up in the same way people do.
What Is Revenge?
Other great apes, such as the bonobo and the mountain gorilla, also reconcile. Of the half-dozen or so non-primates that have been studied, only domestic cats have failed to demonstrate a conciliatory tendency. If you own a cat, this probably comes as no surprise. So why might animals humans included be so willing to forgive and reconcile? Why might evolution have outfitted us with such an ability? Biologists have offered several hypotheses. It goes like this: Animals reconcile because it repairs important relationships that have been damaged by aggression.
By forgiving and repairing relationships, our ancestors were in a better position to glean the benefits of cooperation between group members—which, in turn, increased their evolutionary fitness. Research with seven pairs of female long-tailed macaques offers perhaps the most striking evidence of how the value of a relationship affects whether a conflict will be reconciled. In the first phase of their experiment, researchers Marina Cords and Sylvie Thurnheer simply examined how often these seven pairs of individuals reconciled.
Averaging across the seven pairs, about 25 percent of their conflicts got reconciled. In phase two, the seven pairs were trained to cooperate with each other in order to get food. If one partner wanted to eat, she had to wait until the other one wanted to eat. Then they could work together to gain access to the food.
No cooperation, no food. After they had been trained to work together in order to obtain food, the average rate of reconciliation doubled to about 50 percent. When group-living animals are given the choice between a reconciling with a valuable partner who has harmed them, or b holding on to their grudges but going hungry, they generally choose the reconciled relationship and the full belly.