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Downes had asked a cameraman to document his unusual plan to find a soul mate. Instead, it was his mania that was caught on film, giving a rare insight into bipolar disorder. Bipolar Expedition," by filmmaker Mark James, just aired on British television and will become available internationally.

Before being diagnosed as bipolar at 44, Downes was living a high-powered life of luxury, making business deals, playing golf and gambling. God bless you all: This on so many levels. Talking to people and realizing I'm not alone. Doesn't have to be a NA, AA program. I'm not assuming you have dependency issues Just has to be people you are comfortable with. Everyone has a story. Share yours and one day you may help someone, even if it isn't yourself.

Seroquel is the devil for some people. I get a rare side effect of war dreams and torture.

Very vivid, almost to the point of lucid. I'm now off my meds because I wanted to kill myself on them. They didn't help, they just kept me in this bland state. My crash was worse on them. It slowed down my manic episodes but the depression was too much. Would lay in bed for weeks at a time. Just taking cat naps and trying to avoid REM. Do you do any sports or activities?

It has definitely taken a toll on my marriage. At times I hate myself for getting attached. I worry one day I might snap and financially ruin us. Considering I just up and moved us to California to take care of my buddies land. We pretty much lost our lives to Hurricane Harvey. I'm hoping this long term job will really help keep us out of the shitter. I've basically given her all my money so I don't fuck us. Yes, I think this is where I am currently. I don't hit mania, but the depression and anxiety are soul crushing.

My current cocktail just keeps me in a dark room. I had to put up a blanket on my window to make a cave. It has two toddler angels on it I look at it all the time. I am haunted by the things I've done and the people I've hurt and the burden I've placed. I basically get to the point of I hate myself and want to die. It's so fucking scary. I go to watch people die often I'm not even affected I just look for pointers It is such a distortion of your world I'm not sure what would happen I definitely don't advise dropping your meds.

I did it with the help of my psychiatrist. Took 2 months to get me off everything and she didn't agree with my decision at all. Some drugs mess with the mania. Almost like you don't complete the cycle. That made me really paranoid and delusional. None of us asked to be here, so we all deserve that imo. First thing I can tell you, right now you need to focus on YOU. Be your own best buddy and fuck everything else. No room for guilt, not now. Not talking about things your kids or parents might like or be proud of You can still do some of these things.

Protect your body from harm, and use ALL your energy to get your health and state of mind back on track. So many people have come back from the brink. I'm not sure exactly where to start, but I had a good day today, and I try to remember to take it one day at a time. I will focus on me I didn't sleep all of last night. But tomorrow I'm going to hit the trails on my santa cruz. We upped my meds, and I've been a lot better.

My bipolar expedition | The BMJ

Got a nice paying job as an analytical chemist that I really like.. Moving next month to a beautiful new house And the holidays havent been a pity fest either! I cant complain tbh. Hope you all are well! Thanks so much for asking. Thank you very much for your input, I have learned a lot of stuff about bipolar tonight, my sister in law who is a heroin addict also has bipolar but I don't really see her much. The guy in the doc clearly experiences euphoria rather than rage, my preconceptions about bipolar before watching this have changed drastically now that I can start to understand it a little bit more.

My disorder swings between happy productive mania, irritability which can quickly turn to rage, then deep dark depression mostly regret for my rage. I've imagined as trying to steer a runaway truck. You can control the direction a little, buts it's going to hit something eventually and it's going to be bad. I can't imagine having such drastic shifts in mood.

My brother is has bpd and he also seems to experience the rage. Has ruined his relationship with our dad because of calling during manic periods and verbally abusing everybody in his life. It's fucking hard to see someone self-destruct.

Thank God for seroquel, I'm a functioning adult now because of it. I don't miss feeling like I want to rip someone apart molecule by molecule when I get cut off in traffic. I started lithium a few months ago, it seems to be helping my depressive phases more but has triggered some agitation. It's such a balancing act! It's so hard to choke them down everyday, I take some really high doses, so lots of tablets 3 times a day. I take lexapro for my anti-depressant Escitalopram, it helps me function during the down times, but just enough.

Yeah, I found the same with citalopram - I'm on mg of lamictal so I think that reduced its effectiveness somewhat. Excited to see what lithium does for me! Lamictal gives me a lot of side-effects that interferes with my job - fine motor control and vision problems thought I was going blind I'm an orchestral musician so it's made it really difficult. For some reason it's taken 3 years for those side-effects to show up that badly though. Recurrent anaemia's been a problem too, psych is convinced that it's not related, but I'd never been anaemic before lamictal.

Just wondering - have you found that lamictal kind of 'wears off' after 6 hours or so? My psych had never seen it as badly before, I had to take it 4 times a day before starting lithium. Just seem to metabolise it quickly. I've managed, since starting lithium, to drop it to mg, I've had to drop it by tiny amounts to avoid really bad withdrawal and a relapse happened once when I took it down by 50mg Took 8 months to get back on track. Curious as to whether someone else has had similar experiences.

Umm, it doesn't wear off that fast for me. I'll notice it the next day if I miss a dose. Although I take mg of seroquel a day as well, so that may have a lot to do with it. Also, I'm 33, so my metabolism finally slowed down, they may have more to do with it too. Oh and I'm usually high off pot a when I get home from work, that calms me down aswell.

I took lithium in HS, they took me off of it because of fears of liver problems and replaced it with seroquel. Seroquel munchies, then knock out time, lol I couldn't function next day bc it was so heavy. I stopped taking Seroquel when one day I sort of "snapped to" at the fridge. I realized that I wasn't hungry at all but I had been going to the fridge and standing there in front of it looking for something to eat on a regular basis. It was really weird. Like a scene out of Requiem for a Dream.

I realized I was seeking food when I wasn't at all hungry and I didn't realize I had been doing it. I never took another one after that. I was diagnosed with mild to moderate bipolar disorder a couple of years ago. I'm fortunate that I cycled between"a little down for no reason" to "cheerful, busy, and optimistic" Until I was prescribed escitolopram Lexapro.

My depression went away, but when the manic phase hit it was very disruptive. A lifelong atheist, I became convinced at times that God was communicating with me and helping me. I seriously considered joining the Catholic Church.

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I'd stay up all night composing music when I knew I had to go to work. I became dangerously confident and generally screwed my life up pretty bad. When I attacked my ex wife's boyfriend and didn't back off when he drew a knife on me, I realized something was really wrong with me and sought help.

The psychiatrist said that bipolar people should never be prescribed that kind of antidepressant, abd my response to it was exactly why. I miss having God on my side and haven't composed any good music since being taken off of it, but I'm slowly getting my life back on track. I take a handful of things and spend lots of time with my doc keeping meds Balanced. If it was not for meds I would be a shell. My wife has been there to catch me during my two worst breaks.

I would not be breathing if it was not for her. I'm so sorry to hear. Lexapro is not for BP people. Glad you got a better doctor. Thanks for a great description. I think I get it a bit milder than you but I felt your descriptions really explained what I get. I had to watch the whole thing. The back story of how he got all of these beautiful women around him was all to important. This was interesting and a bit scary to watch. The context here didn't make it out to be that bad, but imagine taking away the girls and the vacation. I thought he was full of so much arrogance and such being a separate issue from being bipolar , but I felt bad for the guy.

I felt so bad watching this and thinking negatively of him. He's acting like he owns the world off a 3 week vacation, greed setting in and then he's left with nothing. It's hard to constructively watch this without coming off as attacking people with the disorder: Very interesting upload and perspective on important mental health issues op.

It was very cringey at first until I started trying to see where he is coming from, when I opened my eyes to what was happening as I had no clue it was going to happen. I think a lot of people on Reddit today have learned things about bipolar that they hadn't even thought about before, me included. He's in another BBC documentary about bipolar. He lost all his money and while they were filming was really ill with mania. Watching this affected me very strongly.

My ex and I were together for about six months before I witnessed her change. Everything was great, almost out of a fairytale. We went to a couple of music festivals and enjoyed mild use of psychedelics. We started smoking weed more. In retrospect, there were signs that something was off - a few unexpected emotional outbursts, she would tell me that she believed that she could channel other souls, and that she remembered past lives. One day she jumped out of my car at a low speed and ran crying through a private residential area.

It was the first of many such incidents were both embarrassing, dangerous, and emotionally difficult. At one point she stood in the kitchen with a knife to her throat, saying that if I didn't stop her she would kill herself and it all be my fault. I've always tried to help people and surrounded myself with strange eccentric personalities. At a certain point I just couldn't help any more. It is unclear if you need to get involved more, or back off -- you always loose.

Bi-polar Expedition

When she came down from the manias, she would be so sad, ashamed, depressed. But alas, I could no longer deal with the "radioactive gas leaks", or the ancient Egyptian pharaohs, or being blamed for cheating on her, or going to the ER because of indescribable pain in her body that no one could ever find or treat. It's rough, and this documentary really highlights the strange world surrounding bipolar people, and how it sort of sucks you into it and drives you insane as well.

But in the end, there's really nothing you can do. I am literally speechless. You have a very interesting story, sounds like a tough one too. I will be writing a more in depth reply to you later when I get home. Wouldn't call it interesting, dude is too stubborn to realize he's being domestically abused. It could be that the psychedelics triggered it. Bipolar runs in my family. My brother was set off into mania by shrooms.

I'm pretty sure that's something well-documented if you want to look it up. It's happened to a few of us. I drew the line when murdering me became justifiable. Be safe out there. The main thing is that it is treatable, it just takes a while to find the right cocktail of drugs, therapy and lifestyle. I've set in place some 'emergency' plans with my partner and family if I become extremely unwell or I start impacting on someone else's well-being usually bipolar rage, I can rant at them for hours.

I also have a phoneline answered by psychiatric nurses which record details of the call and relay it to my doctors. The thing people find hardest to grasp is that all of those bizarre behaviours and beliefs are just symptoms, nothing more. The rage, high, delusions, impulsiveness and depressions are caused by a brain that is malfunctioning.

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It's humiliating having so little control over your behaviour because of the way people interpret it. Memory problems are quite common as is a lack of awareness of mental state - this is also quite humiliating. The psychedelics and weed would likely have made her symptoms far worse - we're the cheapest drug junkies ever, just hand us a strong cup of coffee.

It's a good thing you got out - as much as people feel obligated to help, bipolar is a really difficult one because it can really impact your mental health as well. If it's managed well, healthy relationships are more than possible, it just means taking responsibility for your own health. Hoo boy, I'm a little high I think, I don't normally write this much.

Not all highs are problematic! They just influence you a little Guess my partner better not expect much sleep tonight Hypersexuality can be another bipolar thing. I have an emergency plan also, as I am prone to manic delusions. Psychedelics can trigger episodes. It really is so humilating to not have much control over your self, even if you are on the right meds. Thanks for the response. That makes a lot of sense. I think in our case, she didn't want to take any responsibility, sometimes doubting that she had bipolar disorder at all which would set things back.

It's pretty hard to believe that you're I'll - it took me nearly three years to accept it. I think part of it is the illness itself and the fact that you don't have a sense of everyone else's 'normal' when you're in that state. The thing that made me stick with treatment while I was doubting it was that a it was affecting my loved ones and b my treatment wasn't something I should stop because it was physically dangerous.

The state I was in was also pretty unpleasant, drug side-effects were nothing in comparison. The amount of times I've sat something down, turn around and have no idea that I ever had anything in my hand is one of the more frustrating things. People looking at you like your crazy because it takes a minute to remember your birthday. I have bipolar disorder - type I with psychotic features to be specific. I've experienced hypomania, mania, dysphoric mania mixed episode - symptoms of both mania and depression occurring simultaneously , and bipolar depression. I've also had auditory, tactile, and visual hallucinations.

I'm very fortunate to have been born into a time where so many medications are available to treat my condition. I take a mood stabilizer and an atypical antipsychotic. For lack of a better term I feel and pass as "normal". If you'd like another view of someone experiencing the symptoms of bipolar disorder ranging from mania to depression in a completely frank manner you should check out "A Summer in the Cage". This documentary features a very public manic episode that I can relate to in so many ways.

It shows a man who was leading quite a successful life slowly succumbing to the ravages of bipolar disorder, completely destabilizing, and ultimately losing everything he once had. Out of all of the documentaries I've seen about bipolar disorder, "A Summer in the Cage" is the most unfiltered, authentic depiction of bipolar disorder I've ever come across. I am bipolar and it's kind of a hassle.

Sometimes when I'm manic I just spend all my money. And Then I get depressed and like, hide away and don't fix anything just sleep every day from after work till work the next day. Then I start feeling better start managing my money and fixing my problems then POW manic and out of control. I'm more fascinated by the endless stream of poor women, more than willing to debase themselves to get out of whatever desperate situation they are in.

Someone should do a documentary about that, from the POV of these girls. I have never seen that done before.

A Bipolar Expedition - Channel 4 Trailer

Plenty of docs of pathetic old men paying for girls though And from the other side of perspective there is definitely some money grabbers that went for one reason only. That would be interesting. The poverty that drives these women must be unimaginable to you or me. I mean he's unattractive 50 year old.

I could see motivation besides money if he were attractive, but he's not. I've looked all over Google mate but can't find another version. It was only uploaded recently so maybe give it a few weeks for another version. If you really want to watch it I will download and host it privately for you. There's a bunch of VPNs out there. It's best to use a paid one. I struggle with bipolar and am currently on 3 different medications to keep me okay. Without them I feel extreme anxiety in social situations and anger whenever anyone blinks a eye at me. I battle it everyday actually and it really drains my energy.

With depression, you think you are total shit even when you live in a nice house, have food, etc. Even though I have friends, as soon as I lose sight of them I have this feeling of emptiness that cannot be filled by hobbies or anything. Suzy Johnston, a writer, adviser, and author, takes us on the journey that is her life with bipolar affective disorder.

When I received my diagnosis of bipolar affective disorder manic depression I was relieved. Finally, and at the age of 22, someone had told me that I wasn't going mad, wasn't barking, and wasn't going loopy or any of the thousand other things that filtered into my overwrought mind at 2 00 am every night. No, I had an illness and, although I had a long and bumpy road ahead of me, at least now I had a hook on which I could hang my symptoms. That, to me, was progress. I first stepped, blind, shoeless, and alone, on to the rough and winding road that is bipolar disorder 16 years ago when I was 16 and in my final year at school.